Update on Janelle’s Book Project: The Heart of Female Same-  Sex Attraction

          I had reached the end of my rope. So I did what I normally do – yell at God. Many years ago I told God (as if He didn’t know) that I was an impatient and petulant child and that until I had fully grown up, I was not going to try to hide that fact from Him. I decided then that whenever I felt the need for a temper tantrum, I would kick and scream and rant and rave, but in His presence. These little episodes have actually turned out to be some of my most intimate times with my God, Father, and closest friend.

            So there I was in my patio room during my regular morning “quiet time,” being anything but quiet:

            “God, I’ve had it. I can’t continue with this book project without some indication that it IS going to be published.”

            “I am beginning to feel like I’ve wasted my time – like you have set me up to spend three years of my life on something that is going to just gather dust on some editor’s desk.”

            “I am tired, no, I am sick and tired of this whole book project. It has drained me and been a burden on my family. It has been an impossible job from the very beginning, and at this point, I have nothing left.”

            “God, you had better do something quick if you don’t want me bailing. Besides, I’m not sure why you ever picked me for this job in the first place!”

            Whine, whine, whine. But, I did feel better after I vented my true feelings and complaints to God – even though He felt far away and somewhat ambivalent towards my screaming need.

            Well, about a week or so passed. I somehow found renewed strength to keep writing, but with little hope that the project would ever get finished. I somehow rationalized my doubt by telling God that if he wanted me to sit for the next five years at my dining room table in front of my laptop – well, I guess that was His business and who was I to argue. Not exactly a heartfelt humility and authentic surrender….

            I took a break one afternoon to review email. I booted up Juno and immediately a new email filled my computer screen. I caught a glance of the sender’s name and knew it was from InterVarsity Press, the publisher to whom I had sent my Book Proposal nine months earlier. I hadn’t heard a word from them up until now. I anxiously started to read.

Janelle,

Greetings. I'm getting back in touch with you to let you know I will be making a formal presentation of your book to our Publications Committee tomorrow. I realize now I didn't send you an interim notice that the editorial department thinks very highly of your work and has a strong interest in it.

“THINKS VERY HIGHLY OF YOUR WORK AND HAS A STRONG INTEREST IN IT”! I could barely breathe. I can’t believe it! I read it over and over – and then I doubted. “Oh this is a joke one of my friends is playing on me.” So I reviewed the sender’s address to make sure it REALLY came from the Editor at InterVarsity Press. Yes, it appeared to be authentic. Noooo, I still can’t believe it. They are interested?!

            Well I couldn’t contain myself. I wrote the Editor back to share my excitement and find out how the meeting went with the Publications Committee. Within 24 hours he responded. This time he said:

The presentation went well. The Committee enthusiastically received your proposal and agreed to give it a full review. They thought the book was distinctive, well written and addressed a real need. You also have the right credentials/experience and institutional/organizational connections to help us get the book to the people who need and will value this book. So the first hurdle was easily cleared.

I thought I was going to have a heart attack. Right then and there. I read this email over and over, still questioning whether this was a wicked trick. “Oh ye of little faith.” Even though there was still one more hurdle to clear, the Editor reassured me that I would probably be receiving a contract within a month or so.

            Needless to say, I could barely contain myself. So many emotions. Gratefulness, disbelief, shock, humble repentance, excitement, fear, amazement, awe, insecurity, doubt – all mingled together. I gave up on getting any more work done that day and started calling friends and family to share the good news. Within a week, a core group of supporters and friends gathered to pop the first bottle of champagne in celebration of all that God had done. We celebrated all of the women who offered their time and stories, my clients – past, present, and future who have taught me, my prayer supporters, financial supporters, reviewers, editors, researchers, my husband and daughter and all those who have listened to my complaining over the years. We worshiped and rejoiced.

            Since then, I have signed the official contract and am now in the final stages of polishing the manuscript that will hopefully be completed before the end of the year. Publication date: end of 2007.

            But there was just one more thing to process. Did you notice that in the Editor’s first email he realized he had not sent me the typical interim notice of the editorial department’s interest in the book? He forgot to tell me?! I knew immediately that this was the hand of God. Sometimes I think God must gain some sadistic pleasure from my rantings and ravings. Perhaps He does – He loves to be with me no matter what my condition. But on deeper reflection, I know He is simply continuing in His faithfulness to help me forever trust Him – no matter what – no matter how long I have to wait – no matter what the surrounding circumstances scream – trust Him. He is in control. He is God – I am not (something I have to continually remind myself). I am so humbled before His mercy and grace and ongoing perseverance with my disbelieving and fragile heart. Please join me in giving thanks for His heart and awesome provision for all of those impacted by the issue of female same-sex attraction.

Upcoming Events and Speaking Engagements

October 12-14, 2006      Workshop on Female Same-sex Attraction at the American Association of Christian Counselors Annual Conference in Denver, Colorado.

October 27-29, 2006            Retreat for Mothers of Daughters with Same-Sex Attraction. See http://www.janellehallman.com/

December 1-3, 2006            Retreat for Mothers of Daughters with Same-Sex Attraction.

January 2-12, 2007            Class on Homosexuality, Denver Seminary – auditors welcome

April 20-22, 2007            Exodus Regional Conference – Ridgecrest Conference Center, North Carolina

You may send donations to:

Desert Hope Ministries

P.O. Box 620575

Littleton, CO  80162

 

Voice Mail: (303) 277-8358

Email:  info@deserthope.com

 

Desert Hope Ministries is a not-for-profit 501(c)(3) corporation and operates solely on the contributions of people such as you. All donations to this ministry are tax  deductible and will be recognized by a receipt.